I’ve decided to do a series of posts on the problems I’ve faced with the teenager, or rather the things that have caused me the most stress since I acquired one. I’m lucky that for the most part she’s a well behaved kid that doesn’t give me too much grief, but she’s only just getting started with the teenage years really so I anticipate many unforeseen dramas ahead, and me completely backtracking on most of my opinions – that has, after all, been the pattern for motherhood so far!
So for well over a year, I have lived with a crazy, slightly hormonal fan girl.
This kid eats, sleeps and breathes Shawn Mendes!
Now I’m no stranger to being unhealthily obsessive about something, I remember the long waits between each Harry Potter novels release and the sense of loss I felt when I read the final instalment. I’ve re-read those books until the pages fell out, I consider the characters my family. It was a love that started when I was a child and followed me into adulthood.
I never had a real teenage crush though, and this girl is taking it to new levels. I can’t remember the last time she wore something that wasn’t his merchandise. She could probably tell you more facts about Shawn Mendes than she could about herself! She’s not alone, there’s a whole army of them online, the Mendes Army. It’s actually the first time that having a teenager has shone a positive light on social media. She can not only connect with other fans, she can feel connected with the man himself through the various different platforms artists now use to promote themselves and engage with fans. Firm friendships have been made with girls from other parts of the world and in turn her self confidence and thirst for general knowledge about the world has grown (because he is currently on a world tour lol).
A few years ago I would never have dreamt I would be happy with the notion of internet friends. It seemed like such a dangerous thing to allow, and surely real life friends are better anyway?! Well no, actually, not always. Different friends bring different things into your life, and people who you meet via social media can bring you just as much laughter and support as the friends you’ve made at school/work etc. I have helped with verifying whether or not these young girls are in fact who they say they are (thank you MTVs Catfish!) and a new little part of the world has been opened. I has received so much love and support from her Crazy Fan Girls (the name I have given them), they are some of the kindest children she has encountered, she has received parcels of goodies and even has regular lessons in Dutch from one of them. They have broadened her world whilst she has been in the safety of her own home, and she hopes to one day go to Amsterdam to meet the one she is closest to.
Up until now the internet – social media in particular – has felt like a dangerous beast lurking in the background waiting to find a way it can turn our world on its head. The pressure of keeping her safe online has felt like a full time job, and I’m sure it will for some time to come.
We have an understanding when it comes to social media; the minute there is any serious dishonesty it will be gone, in its entirety. I don’t need all the facts, I don’t want the details of every conversation. I only expect her to always be kind and to be vigilant with her safety. At first everything went through me, absolutely everything. Every friend request she accepted, every picture she posted, statuses, check ins. We have been over and over how you can give away things by accident and how important it is to not overshare. Once you put something on the internet it can be potentially copied and reposted elsewhere. I would check her phone every night, not because I don’t trust her, but because I can’t trust the world she is growing into. The reins have been relaxed slightly recently, and in the spirit of allowing her privacy I don’t do as much monitoring.
There will always be a battle within me; the urge to keep her safe, whilst also wanting her to live life. I hope I can let go so easily when the bigger things come around…
Can we skip the teenager bit? 